High School was hard for me. Getting through the day was hard for me. I found prescription drugs belonging to my father an escape from my own pain. The drug was called Librax a form of Librium. Unbeknownst to me at the time was that these drugs were meant for depression. I took them hoping to get a buzz.
My parents never knew I stole his drugs. Hell he wasn't even taking
them. He just threw the bottles into the back of one of his drawers.
I took them to zone out, escape the hell I felt I was living. It was during one of those drug hazed day that I hurt my friend. I didn't know until some time after, just how bad it was. I will never understand why they didn't press charges.
We had a field trip into the woods near by to study liken, moss and fungi. On the way to the woods I mad a switch out of small twig. I chased after my friend with sword drawn 'teasing' her with it. Hitting her on her legs and thighs. Like a towel playfully snapped at a naked butt the switch bit into her flesh. I was having 'fun'.
Later her twin sister told me of the severity of my actions. They were having supper and my friend wouldn't leave the tub she was in. Her sister went to check on her. What she found horrified her. The water wouldn't cover the welts my fun had inflicted on her. She was black and blue from her buttocks to her ankles, both in the front and in the back.
I don't remember hurting her. I remember having fun. The pills I took were not to blame, though I wanted to believe they were. I have no excuse, no reason for my actions. I honestly don't know why I did it.
Someone recently told me they remembered me as a nice girl back then. But there were times when I wasn't.
I knew there was something wrong with me. I wrote about it in my English classes, I tried talking to the guidance counselor, I shared things with my physiology teacher. No one heard me, not till years later.
I understand now that there was a lot not right. I came to understand that there had been abuse in my childhood. That I wasn't always aware of what I had done. That I had holes in my memory. That my body didn't fit me right. But that would be years later.
Dorothea, I hope some day you will read this or I can tell you how sorry I am. Friends do not treat friends like the enemy.
_____________________________________
Some of you may wonder why I am drudging up all this garbage. I'm taking out the trash. I'm cleansing my soul. I'm writing what is in my heart as it spills through my finger tips. I am trying to make amends where necessary. I am attempting to be the most honest about everything, than I have ever allowed myself.
I took them to zone out, escape the hell I felt I was living. It was during one of those drug hazed day that I hurt my friend. I didn't know until some time after, just how bad it was. I will never understand why they didn't press charges.
We had a field trip into the woods near by to study liken, moss and fungi. On the way to the woods I mad a switch out of small twig. I chased after my friend with sword drawn 'teasing' her with it. Hitting her on her legs and thighs. Like a towel playfully snapped at a naked butt the switch bit into her flesh. I was having 'fun'.
Later her twin sister told me of the severity of my actions. They were having supper and my friend wouldn't leave the tub she was in. Her sister went to check on her. What she found horrified her. The water wouldn't cover the welts my fun had inflicted on her. She was black and blue from her buttocks to her ankles, both in the front and in the back.
I don't remember hurting her. I remember having fun. The pills I took were not to blame, though I wanted to believe they were. I have no excuse, no reason for my actions. I honestly don't know why I did it.
Someone recently told me they remembered me as a nice girl back then. But there were times when I wasn't.
I knew there was something wrong with me. I wrote about it in my English classes, I tried talking to the guidance counselor, I shared things with my physiology teacher. No one heard me, not till years later.
I understand now that there was a lot not right. I came to understand that there had been abuse in my childhood. That I wasn't always aware of what I had done. That I had holes in my memory. That my body didn't fit me right. But that would be years later.
Dorothea, I hope some day you will read this or I can tell you how sorry I am. Friends do not treat friends like the enemy.
_____________________________________
Some of you may wonder why I am drudging up all this garbage. I'm taking out the trash. I'm cleansing my soul. I'm writing what is in my heart as it spills through my finger tips. I am trying to make amends where necessary. I am attempting to be the most honest about everything, than I have ever allowed myself.
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